Early Morning Madness
Here I am up early in the morning and pissed as hell. I put a pillow as the picture because it is 4 am and I am tired as fuck and pissed to the max. I woke up fucking irritated I am seriously on the verge of just calling everything quits. Every time something good happens some dumbass shit follows. I am living with an ignorant ass miserable jackass who likes to do nothing but piss everyone else off or make everyone else miserable. On that note I will be apartment hunting until I find my own damn place. A bitch can seriously only take so much. It is seriously hard to believe that you could actually take time Four years to be exact and show someone all the love in the world and ride hard for that person only for them to seriously treat you like the rest of the world does.
I just can’t fucking take it between taking care of my kids, trying to take care of my home and all this other shit I have going on. Why can’t I just catch a fucking break? I am trying so hard not to revert back to my old ways, but I am seriously being tested every second of the damn day. I swear my tolerance for bull shit is getting lower and lower. I think it is time for me to shut myself down. I am sure everyone has those moments where they want to shut down socially.
I feel that it may be time to just shut the world out for a couple of days so that I can focus on myself. I know that Facebook is going to probably be the first to go and then maybe my twitter. I probably won’t worry about skype being I am rarely on it. My blog will be staying. I am not cutting my blog out because this is my outlet and something I am seriously into. Besides, I spend more time on this and it actually helps me blow some steam.
My email is for sure staying because that is how I communicate with employers. I don’t know I just thing that my phones and things like that could also be a root of my stress. I might go ahead and remove all of the cable and TV cords. Like the main distractions in my life seriously need to be removed or I am never going to get anywhere or where I want to go. It might be a little challenging but I will survive. I am starting to learn that even when people don’t seem like it to you, they could be fully taking control and advantage of you.
I am also starting to find that people do it not only because you don’t see it, but because they a unsatisfied with themselves and lifestyle. So they do everything that they can to make you feel as miserable as they do. I try not to feed into the bullshit. It is like I can honestly do badly by myself, ya know? I know everyone probably says it, but if I could really go back in time and tell myself everything I know now, or fuck it maybe I would tell my mom everything I know now. She would probably listen to me just as much as she does now so maybe I should tell my younger self. Well, that’s all my venting and ranting for now since I am nodding off. I am so fucking tired…tired of life and tired of being tired. I shall be back!
Take My Word…xoxo
JaLeigha
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