Motherhood...Babies...Advice
People often wonder why it is so hard to just be alone. Is the company really worth the drama? I mean, when it comes to relationships there is so much that is being given and so much being taken. I have not had all the things I have wanted out of any of my relationships. The one I am in now is not the best relationship in the world only because lettuce and I are not always on the same page. There are days where I love him and days where I am like “Where the fuck did I find you?”
Today I was talking to a friend who wants to have kids. I was telling her that it would be great to have kids because of how time is passing, but it would be best to get some practice. Being a mother is not easy what so ever. There are moms out there who make it look easy, but just like other moms are suffering and trying to keep it together not only for the sake of their kids, but for their sanity.
I am the mom who is trying to do it all before it is too late. I am 21 years old and I have two beautiful little boys who are 11 months apart. At least if I have my math right. My little guys are growing up so fast I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. I like that they are close together and won’t grow up lonely or wondering if they will ever have a brother or sister because when I am not there or their dad is not there they will at least have each other. As much as I have that only child mentality I can really say that I really do love my siblings on my mom and my dad’s side. Even though my dad was such a huge man hoe and my mom was not an easy person to get along with I can really say that when I needed them most my older sister and younger brother on my mom’s side was always there. Even now I can depend on them a little.
As for my dad’s side not so much. I was an outcast then and I am still one now. I mean both sides I have always felt that way, but on my dad’s side it seemed to be a little more shown and well known that I was an outcast. Did not care then and I do not care now. Reason being that is was my dumb dad’s fault and I feel like he will get what is coming to him.
All I know is that my kids are amazing and that they have each other’s backs in little ways. I am sure when they grow up they will as well. As for my friend who wants kids, I talked her down a little bit. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have kids. The truth of it all is that the hard part really comes after having given birth to them. Everyone wants to be in your face while the baby is still inside of you and they want to be in your face as soon as the baby comes out. As soon as the baby becomes active everyone runs right, left and in any other direction.
Having a baby sometimes shows you the light and also shows you who your real friends are. During my pregnancy I had people who I really thought where my friends, but right after I had them people excluded me from everything. Just because I had kids did not mean I was barred from regular activities. Something’s had changed, but not everything. It was funny because someone had told me that because I had kids my life was over. At first I believed them, but then it became clear. My life was not over It was just beginning. I am only 21 and just because I have had children does not mean my life has stopped. It is just getting started.
My childish life had to stop. My selfish life had to stop. My new life was being given. This was my chance to prove I am a capable human being. I was capable of taking care of my life and to guide the two lives that were being given to me. I had some practice and I was not completely clueless. I told my friend that before she went on her wanting a baby journey that she should do some serious looking into it. Nothing about motherhood is easy. There is so much to be learned even if you think that you know it all. Everyone is different with different believes. Not everyone will be on the same page. I know hwne I first started out I was not.
Take My Word…xoxo
JaLeigha
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